Called To Be Effective

Have you ever thought about what it looks like to simply be effective in your home, on your job, or in your community?  Often, we get tripped up because we are told that perfective or perfected is the right way.  But perfect will never be an option in our society regardless of the lies we subject ourselves to.

No one is perfect.  As hard as it might be, we will all hit a place where next steps are way over our head. 

As I plan out where I want to grow in 2025, I am looking for places to be effective.  I’ve lived a lot of years trying to make things perfect.  For many years I thought I was doing a great job at it. 

Then the reality sets in.  I’ve lost a lot of time trying to attain something that was not attainable.  PERFECTION, in me and in this trauma ridden world.

I can’t be perfect, but I can be effective.  We can all be effective.

However, we must work through the things that keep us from being effective.   I believe these are most common:

 1.         Judging what you do not understand.

2.         Trying to FIX what is not yours to fix.

3.         Misconceptions of the truth.

After we walk through the offence of not knowing everything, being unable to fix everything and the fact that not everything we believe is the truth, we can start to work on how we individually can be effective.  These are a few easy ways to get started:

 1.        Work hard and share the fruits of your labor by donating to causes that back up your core beliefs. 

2.        Donate your time to help others that are walking through something you have overcome.

3.        Be responsible to people and know that you are not responsible for people.

4.        Be kind and listen to hear when people trust you enough to talk to you.

Everyone regardless of age or background can do one of these 4 things and if you can, do as many of possible.

Our society is doing everything possible to instill fear and make people feel bad about themselves.  Keeping a boot on the neck of who we are individually.  Why?  So, we will be ineffective.  So, we will be scared to try to change.

The only time I will feel bad about who I am or this life I have been given, is when I chose to stick my head in the sand.  We were given our specific life and circumstances so we could be effective, in our homes, on our jobs and in our community.

Let’s use what we have been given to appropriately love on people and strive to build up our families and communities.

Let’s start to rebuild all that has been torn down. 

The Shoes Make The Outfit

A good pair of shoes can change your outlook on the day.  It doesn't have to be an expensive pair, just the right pair.  That favorite pair of jeans you wore with a t-shirt to the park, can become part of the perfect night- out attire with a great pair of heels.  Every man has a story to tell about his wife or significant other and their shoes. I just purchased a new pair for myself yesterday.   I do not know why we love them so much, but we do. 

Ultimately the nice outfit and pretty shoes simply cover the outward appearance.  We may feel better in one outfit over another, but neither can repair the damage of a broken heart. So often we try to use worldly things to mend heart issues.  Even the love of a spouse can't fill the gaping hole left by unforgiveness.  Material things cannot fill the void that darkness inhabits in the hardened heart

Why is it so hard to turn to the helper?   Why do we not want to give up the hurts we carry like a Miss America banners across our hearts?  Maybe we are simply afraid of losing ourselves in the process.  Maybe we are afraid He won't accept us for who we are, right now.  Broken, battered, and lifeless. 

Here is where the story starts to get good.... He wants us just the way we are. I can still remember the broken down me, the me that made me sick, being told by God that I was loved, forgiven, and part of the family. No questions asked. The wilted flower, given a sip of living water. 

“But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. “ (John 4:14) 

Truer words have never been spoken.  One of God's many promises to his children.  A promise he has acted upon in my life and will do the same for you. All you have to do is drink.  He does the rest.  Don't let your broken heart, unfulfilled dreams, and disappointments keep you from reaching for the cup.  It only takes one sip of Jesus to change your entire life.  Your Jimmy Choo's won't know what hit them.

Holding On To Peace

A couple of months ago as I was praying for families dealing with the addiction of a loved one,  God sent me to Psalms 34:6  - In my desperation I prayed and the Lord listened, he saved me from all my troubles.  As I continued to pray the Lord diverted my attention to verse 14 of that same chapter, the part that says “search for peace and work to maintain it”.  This was  great advice I could share with with families, but I knew God was actually talking to me personally on this. 

As I began to think this through the Lord ask me, “How do you work to maintain peace”.  I thought oh that’s easy, but my mind went straight toward all the things that keep me from maintaining peace.  Actually, for a while I was stumped.  I couldn’t answer the question.  So, I was sent on a journey. 

My God journeys usually start with looking up the meanings of everyday words to understand the context of my journey. So in all my individual smartness I may have a good understanding of a word, but through this study method, I always learn something new about myself and about how things should truly work. This is consistently how God has taught me many things, and consistency is an important aspect of Peace.  I challenge you today to be aware of how God consistently prepares you for your journeys.

As I continued to study that line in verse 14 “search for peace and work to maintain it”, it started become quite clear that I have spent a good bit of time searching and very little time understanding the working to maintain.  You see the controlling part of my personality draws from past experience, which in itself is not a bad thing, but if I become undisciplined or if my thoughts become inconsistent, I’ll quickly speak death over a situation.  If you are doing something similar, then like me, you are living in the search mode part of this passage.  Continually searching for ways to make things work out the way you want. 

It made me think about my time as a manager and hiring people.  In my 30+ year career I worked with a lot of people searching for the perfect job.  People that worked a year or two through-out their career and then moved on to the next place.  So many of them very intelligent, great employees, lovely people, but they lived in search mode. Never realizing that a good career moves past the searching point, into the hard work point to maintain success. A place where you buy into the company culture, and you want to be a part of the mission.   I believe if we get stuck in work mode, we will never get the maintaining part of the plan.  There is an old saying, anything worth having has to be worked for.  And for me, this scripture eludes this applies even to peace.

So my journey kicked off with these definitions……Search, work, maintain

I always start this process by saying to myself what the word means.  I don’t just look up the word and say yeah that what I thought it meant God. I put my own spin on it first and then as I read through the meaning I can quickly pick up where God is trying to tweak my mindset.  Sometimes it is simply one tiny twist of the knob, other times, it’s a full turn of the knob.

First off what does search mean?  Off the top of my head I think….sometimes there is something I don’t have so I go from place to place searching for it, and sometimes I search for things I already have because I’ve misplaced them. 

Dictionary says….. To go or look through a place, an area, etc. CAREFULLY in order to find something missing or LOST.  (This simply reminded me of something I already knew, something I experience on a frequent basis) Peace is easy to lose which is why we have to work to maintain it.…. 

2nd what does work mean?   Off the top of my head to work means to complete a task or various tasks….

Dictionary says -  Exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something.  (the words to produce and accomplish are really important here). I’ve gone to work many times and produced or accomplished nothing that day or several days.  I think we can all agree that scenario is a peace grabber.  Do you find yourself in this same position sometimes?   Do you ever feel like you have accomplished nothing because it wasn’t what you wanted or planned? 

3rd what does maintain mean?   Off the top of my head, when I think of maintain, I think of changing the oil in the car, mowing the lawn, servicing the AC or heat.  Something we do to make something last longer or work longer. 

The Dictionary says: To continue (keep going even if there is an interruption) or persevere in (continue the course even if you can’t see the prospect of success).  This is really important to understand, continue and persevere in this meaning.

To continue or keep going even if there is an interruption…Now I could start to see clearly how the interruptions in life steal peace, why?  Because they are inconvenient, they come at a bad time, they cause even more work.

What about preservere in, to continue the course even if you can’t see the prospect of success.  Just a few minutes ago I said the controlling part of my personality will speak death to a situation if I don’t see success coming.    Sometimes we don’t work at something because we don’t see the prospect of success. 

So here is a wrap up from this little lesson on the meaning of words:   1.  search your circumstances carefully to understand what is missing or lost,  2.  exert effort to produce meaningful change, 3.  Then stay in it, even when things get interrupted and/or you cannot see things working out.

I recently did a group teaching where I talked about the future not being ours to decide.  Especially when we try to decide someone’s else’s future. (Good or bad) I spoke death in my heart so many times over my son’s situation because my emotions were in control.  I let all the past situations, convince me that there was no future.  I wasn’t learning from the past, I was living in the past.  I was in continual search mode. Looking, looking, looking, but for what was I looking?  I know now that the things I thought I wanted would have never lead me to sitting here writing this blog or helping people meet goals in their life.   Thank goodness, my son’s future was not mine to decide.   Thank goodness there is someone else out there working on my future and your future.

Here is what I know, if we are in a place we shouldn’t be, wrapped up in emotions or placed in a situation through no fault of my own, it’s doubtful total peace survived the journey.  Things are going to happen in life (interuptions) that we don’t like, often.  Our lives can easily, any day, take a course that is more than difficult, it is heart wrenching. Our emotions are all over the place. To be totally transparent,  I have found myself questioning why my faith is not stronger.  If my faith was stronger my peace would be easier to maintain. 

I would hear myself continually reminding myself, over and over in my head, the opposite of fear is faith. Living in continual search mode is in part driven by fear.  So apparently even after all the conversations with God, studying scriptures, making big life changes, I still don’t have faith.  But, as I continue to say in my head the opposite of fear is faith, I feel like I’m comparing an apple to an orange.  Fear is an emotion, but Faith is a choice.  Honestly, I can’t compare my emotions, which could simply be a harmonal change from day to day to a choice I make daily based on evidence unseen, through a relationship with my Lord and Savior.  I can’t keep beating myself up saying I am lacking faith, because of my emotions. 

Author Lois Flowers says it very well I believe.  The feelings of fear associated with anxiety come and go, but my faith remains. And to suggest otherwise can lead to feelings of guilt and unworthiness that are usually unwarranted.

When I suggest to myself that I am lacking faith in some way, it just leads to piling on more feelings, it doesn’t help to boost my faith.  Telling myself that I am not good enough in some way, is not a faith booster.  And it doesn’t help you maintain peace.

In John 14:27 Jesus says:  “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.  If Jesus left with us his peace, why am I continually searching and working to maintain.  Why is my heart troubled and afraid at times?  

I started to realize that my expectation of peace is based on a worldly definition.  Peace from a worldly standard is a stress-free state of security and calmness that comes when there’s no fighting or war, everything coexisting in perfect harmony and freedom.  Well, that’s an eye opener.  I am 61, and I have never seen this.  Actually, the bible says we won’t see this, the bible says we will see trials and tribulation. 

So, if I have peace when things are going well, which appears to be the worldly standard of peace, then I should have no expectation of peace, ever.  People are always at war and the world around us is about as unharmonious as I’ve ever seen it.   The car is going to breakdown, something is going to need fixing at the house, kids are going to make stupid decisions, people are going to talk about you, you are going to get sick, so on and so on.

When I came to this realization that I was looking in the wrong direction or missing the mark on what peace was all about, I could hear the Lord telling me that I was searching for the wrong kind of peace, worldly peace, not God’s peace. 

The peace we should be searching for, the Peace that God has given, is a gift, a blessing.  It’s higher, it’s more evolved, it’s a peace that surpasses our understanding and we get to choose whether we accept this gift or set it up on the shelf for a day when we become more worthy or more full of faith.  If God has given us the gift already, why are we waiting around to use it?  He wouldn’t give us something that we can’t use or that we are not worthy to receive.  It’s like Faith, it’s a choice for us.

Phillippians 4:7 says, “and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  This peace is from the Holy Spirit.

Paul tells us in 2 Timothy 1:7 for God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 

The world interjects fear at every turn, but these are the things that God gives us.   Power (strength) to walk through it, not to get around it, so our emotions are here to stay.  God gives us love and his love is a part of our DNA, and God gives us a sound mind through the Holy Spirit.

Psalm 29:11 The Lord GIVES strength to his people; the Lord BLESSES his people with Peace.

We most often lose our peace because of the worldly expectations we set and the worldly view of peace.  Even with good intentions we cannot expect that what we want for others is going to work out.  Isn’t that where we get most riled up, seeing a place where your family or friends or even people we don’t even know are doing things we don’t think are good, or right, or that make any sense.  Very seldom do we get mad at ourselves for the things we won’t do.  We’ve got good reason why we don’t do; but can’t understand why others won’t do.  Couple all of that with the worldly definition of peace, no war, everything and everyone in perfect harmony.  This peace has never happened in my life, it wasn’t happening when Jesus walked the earth either.

Our peace comes from the Holy Spirit, God within us, not everything and everyone in perfect harmony. 

Our peace must come from knowing that whatever, God will make it right, if we allow him to be in control.  

Life is not going to look like we so often plan it, but with the power of God we can walk through the fire, and be blessed with peace.

Stop basing peace on the worldly definition and base your peace on the blessings of God.

The Necessary Evil (Social Media)

A title with necessary and evil may be a bit unnerving at best. With a laugh in my heart I say social media is a bit unnerving in several ways. Unfortunately, from a business standpoint it’s necessary in today’s environment.

I have pretty much stopped using my personal page. Why? From a mental health care standpoint social media exacerbates the problems we already face. Social Media is used for a place to rant about the stuff that makes you feel bad about yourself, so you can attempt to make someone else feel worse. It makes us nervous when we hear that someone said something about us or our situation that just might be true on some level. So fight or flight kicks in, and the fight begins. I hardly ever notice the flight response, which would be to simply walk away. Interesting fact, in real life situations where your fight or flight response is mobilized, training teaches you to flight first (run or walk away from the situation) because fight is worse case scenario. Why go for blood, when you can simply remove yourself from the situation? (Scroll on past or better yet block)

The healthy way to handle things looks like this…If you make a choice in life, then own it. You do not owe anyone else an explanation for why you make the choices you make. If your goal is ensure that everyone agrees with or has a full understanding of your choices, then your goal will never be met, and your mental health will suffer.

Since I started my social media page for Flourishing Growth Christian Coaching, I have been inundated with ads for things I must do if I intent to be a successful coach. It is simply a distraction and a place where I begin to question myself. The folks pushing the ads, are simply trying to make a buck by making me believe they are offering me great advice for free. Yes, they are offering something useless for free, but the great advice will cost you. What’s really weird is it’s the same advice someone else is offering under a different name. We have to be careful.

So I find myself stuck in “The Necessary Evil” pushing ads in an attempt to spread the word….”I’m a Life Coach”. But what I really want people who see my ads, my page, or my website to know is, I care about people, and I want to help people grow and flourish in life. For years I have managed and coached people who were fighting through life with family issues and job issues. Just looking for someone willing to hear their side of the story and have someone believe in them. Someone who would give them a word of encouragement and point them in the direction of freedom from their own mistakes and bad decisions. We have all been there, some are still in that place. But, we all have dreams and goals that are attainable even though today we are walking through adversity. The truth is, not everyone needs counseling. Most of the time just having someone to talk to, that can see a different perspective or a different way of doing things, can be a big help. It’s not uncommon to get stuck in a rut and need a hand to pull us back out.

Finding a “Coach” fits into the category of self-care and growth. We find it hard to invest in things for our own self care. I was considering a self care option for myself last week and my first thought was, I can not afford that, as I was driving to Hobby Lobby to pick up some new art supplies. I have passed up many things that would have been a help for me because I could not afford it, while I was on my way to spend money on stuff.

Investing in yourself will never be a waste of time or money. It might actually stop you from making “THAT” post on social media.

Flourishing Growth

Hello Friends! Welcome to Flourishing Growth Christian Coaching. This is a place where you can be who you are today. If your hair is in a pony tail, and you feel like staying in your pajamas, you will fit right in.

I want to encourage you, “we are meant to flourish and grow”. We means you, and me, and everyone else. That’s good news!! Do not let what someone else said about you hold you back. Words may be hurtful, and they may make you feel bound and stuck in a place of unhappiness. But the truth is, those shackles do not contain a lock. You can choose to break free at any time.

One common thing that holds us in a place of feeling bound is the idea that we have no choice. The truth is, we always have a choice.

What are some things you can do to start the process of walking in freedom and understanding that you can choose:

• Start preparing your heart and mind for change (I can do this, it’s time)

• Organize your thoughts (What do I want)

• Find a friend, mentor or coach (someone to help you stay on course)

• Watch for small changes

• Celebrate

It is important that we search for truth, which pushes us to grow and become our best self. Say to yourself on a daily basis, “THE TRUTH IS, I have a choice and I am meant flourish and grow”.